May be.. may be not..

I never read the book.. may be will never read it. I watched the movie and I want to remember every dialogue, music, camera movement, everything about it.
I do not see  my self reading the book, I want to retain my memory of the movie as it is.. and absorb all the joy I felt in those 126 minutes. The cast, crew directors, editors.. whatever the synopsis of the movie, any one can find that on line.. I am no movie critic to list that down. I want to document how I perceived the experience.

I have never knew love can be so easy and exhilarating and intense and casual ..all at once!

I have been cynical about love and affection.. all my life. I can very well blame them on my childhood, previous relationships or current state of affairs. None of them are any reason to be so sour. Our lives revolve around over-rated maturity and over emphasised glorification of 'strong personality'.. thus ignoring love, sensitivity, vulnerability and tranquillity (which almost sums up all humane qualities, too dangerous a concept for capitalist world) in the process of 'making it' in this achievement driven society. Hence love always was just another thing which was forgotten and ignored in my ever speeding life. The movie was a reminder that without the base ingredient everything else becomes just a collection of random nouns without any collective (or even individual) purpose. Enough has been said and written on this subject ...so let me get back to the movie.

The electric, yet subtle chemistry between Hazel and Augustus made me grin all along ...even during the not-so-funny and some real serious moments of the movie. The strength of their relationship, young,  hopeful... yet satirically at the end of their lives journeys, bought back the long lost sparkle in my eyes. Both of them knew their days were numbered but the fear of annihilation did not stop them from loving. The separation anxiety was not a fear rather adventure for a story they knew, with no happy endings. There was no trust issues, no dating norms and no impressing each other, no grand set, no costumes or bikini clad gorgeous sun tanned bodies, no lavish holiday scenes or fancy cars driven by stunning Hollywood models.. the couple had nothing.. no money, no freedom of mobility, no health and were on a fast track to coffin space. They had a strong foundation of the base ingredient of pure and no-return-expected-love. The rest of the story was pure magic even through ugly ER shots, pukes and chemo... life and laughter still found its way. Ignore the foundation and blush on the lead actors, a pale blue skin and balding faces (chemo side affects) would still have created the same epic depth of love. A story to cherish and be inspired from.

I can't explain anyone how I felt.. it was not just any movie for me, it was so much like a CinemaScope representation of all the lost moments in my life. It all came back to me.. all at once and all so good. I want to create that love in my life, everyday. Even I know "that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labour has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have", but I still want to create that love for myself everyday. My Augustus may never appear, but I still can be Hazel, find my forever in my stars.. the far too many faults they may sustain. My love is reflected in all the lives I touch , all my thoughts that I web and the few things I leave behind at the end of my journey.. I don't know if love is even possible... but I know I am going to make that love story happen..

This is when I close my eyes and tell myself 'Okay? Piyali?' (the answer I guess echoes in the silence.. "OKAY")